Sand Cave Narratives
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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in the "Floyd Collins" journal:[<< Previous 20 entries]
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12:36 pm
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work blues
I really don't care about work.
This is becoming more problematic.
was taking a walk with C, got so depressed about it I just turned around and went home.
I feel like I have nothing to contribute.
During the convox this week, got taken to task for not contributing enough / having visible projects. There was some discussion about whether I should switch over to the web group. I suck at web programming.
Ever since coming to data side, I just don't have anything interesting to say.
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06:43 pm
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Travel allows serendipity
(airport yesterday)
this morning: midwest moves terminals
Milwaukee is much improved... new restaurant Nonna's, in the terminal has decent food, Sprecher beer, and *GELATO*... nom nom on pistachio gelato.
Mr. Rogers was showing which delights me. In this episode, there was talking in english, french and ASL, skills-based learning around "How do you deal with Anger" --> "I think about swimming" "I take deep breaths", and a talk with a wheelchair using teen about how he plays sports. All in all, gentle, repeated modelling of how to have good interactions, and be respectful and open to others. I'm a bit jelly still from Sexy Spring, and I feel tearful. Rough going [sniffle].
Gods, Barney. Ick.
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09:47 am
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Hoover
My vacuum is broken, and all vacuum stores are closed on Sundays, I was feeling screwed! But it seems that Best Buy has belts, including the one I need.
For future, do not vacuum up synthetic hair.
For future, grow real hair instead.
TODAY: House cleaning. If anyone wants to fulfill house cleaning fetish, including tidying, carpet shampooing my old room and the downstairs, and other menial / hot activities, let me know. I'll take help, and it's good way to help me get over my post hosthome depression :) let me know!
mahawara helped on Friday, by cleaning out all of J's stuff.
bamboogeode helped out yesterday by leading the bathroom cleaning project. I might have to do a bit of painting, but life goes on.
charliecopper dealt when she came over yesterday to pick through her tough, and had the temerity to ask who had touched her stuff. I did, I touched it. Other best quote: "your carpet is the least of my concerns". Clearly.
Tags: hosthome
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05:34 pm
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My hometown and the virgin mary
http://apnews.myway.com/article/20090516/D987JD9O5.html
My Mom works there. I used to work there (in the storeroom) back in HS too.
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11:45 am
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Star Trek Stupid
I thought it was like muppet babies in space, except sucky. Maybe I'm just a kill-joy, but I find the time-travel plots to be mostly weak, and I found the scientific non-integrity in this one particularly galling. I thought the overplot made no sense, the design of the mining ship mode no sense, and the whole thing felt like a improved but mostly still crappy version of nemesis.
Things I learned:
You can go through black holes to travel in time, except when they destroy planets
Villains like to keep their ships really dark, you know, like a romantic Italian restaurant. This makes it easy to be moody and freaky when you capture people, even if it makes running the ship really difficult
Starfleet is a military org, except when it comes to ranks, organization, protocols, procedures, or anything that would make it sustainable and functional. People don't get to keep battlefield promotions when they get back to port :) (Cf, for a better treatment: the TNG ep where Riker is offered command of a tiny ship, and note Picard wasn't first officer of the enterprise before he was Captain)
Good thing that shuttle that contains *every member* of the bridge crew didn't get destroyed on the way from the recruiting station!
Um, if Jim Kirk is my captain, get me off this boat, please :)
Villians who granstand == narrative fail.
It was horrifying when ISU fell into that enourmous canyon.
Watch out for red matter! It's bad, mmmkey, and it's cool looking!
Also, only tiny twiglike women get into the starfleet and/or are hot. Just like in the regular army now.
I felt that most of the movie was really lazy, and the "psychopaths who want to blow up earth" is the laziest possibly villainy. In Wrath of Khan, by contrast, there was a more nuanced villain, who really had a personal beef with Kirk. His madness made sense, and if they'd handed over Kirk, maybe he would have left them alone. With this ST, I never feared for the crew, so it failed to connect narratively for me.
That said, some high points:
Simon Pegg as Scotty and his whole attitude, plot, marooning on a backwards world. That's the ST I'd enjoy more of.
Nimoy is the greatest -- his gravitas felt incredibly rich.
Poor poor Checkhov.
I have an unnatural fondness for tops being ripped off cars by wind. That joke never gets old for me I guess.
The new enterprise filled with machinery is a nice change.
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09:42 am
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Epic Day of Fail
Yesterday like a comedy montage, where the sad-sack protagonist coasts through, with one misfortune after another. At least, that's what I hope the plot is, and not the come-uppance for the villian.
I realized the toilet was clogged *after* I had augmented the problem, so I had an adventure with the plunger.
Woke up, broke two e' strings trying to restring the classical guitar.
Trying to set up my knitting project went poorly, so I gave up on it for a while.
Went to Riverdance for mother's day with C's family. It is a not a show aimed at me, as I knew from the "my first riverdance t-shirt" on sale in the lobby. The show was confusing, repetitive, and baffling. After the interval, there was a part where a Paul Robeson type sang a song about freedom and bondage, and the scrappy irish lads had a tap-off against two African-American fellows. I was agog. Is this minstrelry? Who actually likes tap?
After we tried to get food. C was supposed to figure out where we should eat, but she didn't, so we walked from 9th and Hennepin into the Warehouse District, where we found Cafe Brenda closed. I was barely keeping things together at this point. So we walked back, and drove to French Meadow. I like the food, but the place drives me nuts. Multiple ordering counters, menus high up, that are difficult to read, especially while standing in line, some food that gets brought to you, some that had to be picked up. Maddening.
I was completely wiped out. I tried to knit again, to again have it fail. Eventually after a few hours of sitting in silence, I watched some Simpsons and finally got a little relaxed, and could head to bed.
I have been totally anxious before bedtime lately. I am really dissatisfied where things are for me, with my relationship with C, and wondering a lot about what the point of this next decade is. What should I be doing? How do I deal with my urge for kids, when it doesn't seem like that will ever happen, etc. Typical existential stuff. Aloud, "I hope there isn't any drama tonight."
There was.
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04:09 pm
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Repost: Simple Jobs (hiring)
http://a-jaclyn.livejournal.com/263116.html
</a></b></a>![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) eatsoylentgreen says,
"My company is hiring phone agents, they are called Assoc Customer Service Reps.
We work in Bloomington, MN. We receive incoming phone calls and schedule tests for people. It's good work and a great way to start in a corporation, in a growing industry."
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03:00 pm
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Beth Tub at the Bedlam (sunday 2pm)
Beth Tub, known and loved to Sexy Spring folk, is in town doing a show on Sunday at the Bedlam at 2pm. Come! Bring friends!
"Take This House and Float It Away"
http://www.bedlamtheatre.org/display.php?event=341
$15, come early for easter brunch (noon -2 )
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09:44 pm
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Manchvegas, continues
Monday:
Long talk with Eric about J, and childhood, rebellion.
Drive to Hanover, got lost (missed 89 turnoff), ended up in Concord.
Good easygoing day at work. Tried hard to listen and be patient of everyone.
Decent burrito at Boloco, but man, they're just not very good.
Stayed late, night home, explored concord for restaurants gave up and went looking
for Cafe Momo (cafemomonh.com), but they're closed mondays! After being annoyed
with the Wild Rover, and bored with Strange Brew, decided on impulse to finally
try Richard's (after a brief fight with my lust for Red Arrow Dinner).
Dinner was very good. Service was excellent, and I sat at the bar, and most
of the night I was the only one there. The amuse was a kind of slaw thing. There
was also a pineapple muffin as one of the breads, which was delicious! By mpls
standards, it was just 'good', but I think with competition they'd improve to
excellent. Staff was a lot of fun, drinking, and making their own meals.
So, good (enough, actual good denoted by *) restaurants in Manchvegas:
Red Arrow (good vibe anyway, mediocre, but *CHEAP* food, and good people)
Siam Orchid (it's thai, it's fine, what else do you want?)
*Richard's
*Cafe MoMo
Strange Brew (beer only)
Piccola
*LaLa's Hungarian.
*Milly's (Pumpkin beer ONLY, seasonal)
Edible:
La Caretta (good chips)
Wild Rover (yawn)
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07:32 pm
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In Praise of Leftovers, as Diagnostic Tool
For those of who have TMJ and other jaw problems, it can be mysterious to suddenly have a sore jaw. What exactly did I eat? What strange motion did I make? If you eat the leftovers for your next meal, you'll figure it out much sooner.
Ps: it was the veggie wrap with gauc (1st half) from Pie in the Sky in Woods Hole. http://www.woodshole.com/pie/
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11:28 pm
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Second Chances
Just watched a killer Outer Limits called "Second chances" in which an alien kidnaps the passengers on a space ride at an amusement park. The script was rich and resonant. As he approaches the marks he says things like "You came here to indulge in fantasy. Normally this costs, but today it is complimentary. Take these tickets for the space ride."
What is worth defending? What is worth staying for here on earth? I wish someone would abduct me and give me a project big enough to be worth it.
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10:22 pm
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Another excellent night at the Hobby Lobby
I've been up and down lately. Feeling like a nag with J, wondering we I don't kids of my own, and about mortality.... but when the stars align, I feel alive sometimes.
Being out, being alone has its merits. No agendas, the luxury of fully experiencing things. I made silly long calls to A, ramble ramble... It's amazing how being in bloomington can have such a profound affect on my sense of place and distance. Then I called Sara who I never talk to on the phone and it was awkward as always, but charming. In my rambles tonight I got hungry, and decided I wanted fantastic french fries and a date with myself, of to Maude. On the way , I passed that Hub Hobby Lobby, and what a magical wonderland that is! It's like a toy store, except it has all toys I like.... toys that demand engagement and interaction. Crafts, rocks, puzzles, models, trains, games, r/c cars, aircraft, and tools! It felt fulfilling just to breathe the atmosphere of precision craftsman laboring over small tools for rewards no one but them can see -- that satisfaction of details, reversing entropy by making the colors of a Focke-Wulfe just right.
Then, at Maude, Fat Kid Wednesdays was just setting up! I was the only alone person there, and it was totally full, and alive. Michael Lewis was *hugging* people before the show, will wonders never cease! Now, into some Outer Limits, and later, more Master of the Senate (which is amazing).
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10:26 am
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O! What a beautiful morning!
Today should have been fail.
C woke me out of a deep deep rem sleep (where I was having a mild nightmare about about a redneck in overalls rubbing up against me on the edge of a river), saying her didn't start. I told her to try to get a ride, but when that didn't pan out, we tried to jump her car, but no success. So I drove her over to St. Paul. It's such a different city that my city.
On the way home, I treated myself to Al's Breakfast. The line was long, but god damn, it was so worth it. Every experience I have there is excellent. Too much coffee (as I do when it's free, and I'm in Dinkytown), and excellent breakfast:
- coffee
- hash browns
- short short stack (1) blackberry pancake
- 1 egg summer (tomato, basil, balled mozzarella) with dark rye toast
$9.13!
Then that spectacular drive along 35W past WBOB, and seeing the rime on falls, the glory of the Stone Arch bridge. I love my city some days.
** dream addendum:
Yeah it was an escape / adventure dream. We had gotten out of a broadcasting facility after some sort of mishap involving some on-air shenanigans. I had my shoes off at the time, and there were 3 of us, and we cheesed it outside. we were trying to figure out how to get downtown, but didn't know know the city (Dallas, I think). So were running down a two land highway that ran along the river, when the guy, who was fishing, stopped us. "where are you boys headed?"
I think this is somehow LBJ related, since I'm currently totally obsessed with Caro's 3 volume biography of Johnson: The Years of Lyndon Johnson, which is fantastic literatrue.
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02:14 pm
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Host Home Panel Notes
Today we were on the "host" panel at Hosthome Program training. This is training for people who will be hosting youths.
Some selected thoughts:
- Challenge: discovering what kind of parent I'll actually be.
- Challenge: relinquishing some control over my physical environment. Another host said that he's no longer a "fussy fag" about his space.
- Challenge: finding it hard to articulate my feelings about why I'm upset. Normally I'm very in touch with my feelings and motivations, and especially at the beginning when J was sick, and C was sick and a llittle freaked out about the parenting bit, I was really upset a lot. J had my room, and I had no space that was really mine. C hadn't cleaned out the closet to give me space for my stuff, and I didn't feel welcomed upstairs.
- Challenge: learning the line between observation and intervention. In general, we've been in an "observation" phase, to get J's rhythms down, before trying to intervene much.
- Observation: the host environment doesn't need to be fancy. A few days ago, I told J I had a present for her. It was some 2-litres of Coke. She got watery about the eyes, since people don't often get her presents. *intent* is more important than *extravagence*
- Observation: 1. having her here hasn't really "cramped my style" at all, in a non-monog sense. Or maybe it's that I don't mind having my style cramped that much. 2. It does cramp my style some re: kitchen issues, tv room issues. These are being worked on.
- Observation: take chances for interaction when they come. This morning we talked about some "big issues" and I woke up C to participate, since we don't get those opportunities to do these things all the time.
- Observation: a useful model for explaining the interaction is to think about "cultural exchange", in that we're foreign, and we're inviting someone to see our lifeway. To just do the things we normally do, explaining it as we go, and letting the person buy in and learn about us that way. "Come hang out while I do some laundry..."
- Hint: in explaining why friends can't hand out when the youth isn't there: "I'm making a home for you, not running a drop-in center."
- Observation: my bad first impression and wariness was just that, a bad first impression. Our youth seems to be a decent fit for us.
Particular issues with youths:
- Issue: Afraid to anger us, or disappoint us by asking for things
- Issue: interaction vs. isolation. Both host and youth need alone time and interaction time.
- Issue: Bailing out / rescuing. Try to find ways that any kind of rescue comes with conditions, like: "we will pay your library fines, so that you can use your card, but you will have to (read x books | do chores | pay a penalty to us on any future fines | etc). TANSTAAFL.
C, just now folding clothes: "It's feast or famine in the pillowcase department"
Tags: hosthome
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02:31 pm
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Hosthome Panel tomorrow
This weekend, there is a training for the Host Home Program. We're going to sit in on the "hosts" panel tomorrow.
Things we need to focus more on:
Structure and schedules. After some talk with Sara yesterday, I think that J having a "Day of Reflection" every week, where she can just focus on her, would make a lot of sense, and in general, getting more structure into her life is probably not a bad idea.
Also, turning off the wireless between 12 and 6 every day is probably wise.
Tags: hosthome
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02:27 pm
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Day of Chores!
First Annual Day of Chores is going well.
J and N are out in the garage breaking down boxes.
C is going to do all the dishes.
J cleaned up the PS2 area and her room, and emptied out the pantry.
I contacted radon remediation contractors, and reorganized the panty (mostly!), and mopped the 1st floor bathroom.
Then, later, dinner and derby as treats.
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09:12 am
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Excellent Weekend
This was a really good weekend for me.
On Saturday, I had a good breakfast in St. Paul with my buddy Allison, where I insulted her roommate, by saying (derogatorily) that a person I knew has "pre-med personality disorder". Said roommate turned out to be a pre-med, who parents and siblings were *all* doctors.
Then saw Dreamland Faces at Hosmer library, with C, her parents and bamboogeode. Man, they are tight.
That night, went to a party at underwhelm and ginnyz's place in St. Paul. I was a little confused about where they live (since St. Paul may as well be Narnia, and I always get tangled up in the overcoats in the wardrobe). We made it to their building fine, but couldn't remember their apartment number. I trusted to my sense of feel, knowing where it was from the elevator. So we entered the elevator, but I couldn't remember which floor! We got off, and I walked to their place. Master spy that I am, I placed my ear to the door, and heard the sounds of partying, and we walked right in.... to the wrong party. We looked at them, they looked at us, hoping for some spark of recognition, but none came, disproving the phlogiston theory of social engagements. They said we should come back if the real party sucked. It didn't suck though, and we went upstairs one flight, and found our right social place.
Sunday night: Really good dinner with the sexy-kneed bamboogeode and J and N and charliecopper. The first "family dinner" really. The utes made baked chicken, we made salad, spanikopita, fresh toritlla chips and fries (for N, which he ate with gusto), and good salad and an Anchor Porter for dad and dad+.
Then I had one of those nights was I was just too hot. C is getting sick again, and I woke up with all kinds of ideas about work stuff at midnight, so I got up and wrote for a while -- now I have a list of 12 improvements to my code that I need to do today and tomorrow.
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10:27 pm
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Putting Out
N (the bf) got a placement at Avenues tonight, so I drove him up there. It was tense, and I felt like an asshole doing it. At least he's not out tonight. Our girl needs some time to work on her own stuff unencumbered, and I hope he gets a home placement soon.
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10:38 am
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Let the Right One In
Shaggy modern vampire story from Sweden. Slack pacing, and some nagging continuity questions (don't they have cops?) keep this from being a masterwork. As a study of learning that someone has to do awful things to survive, it's excellent. The relationship between the lonely, bullied boy protagonist and his not-girlfriend (since she's not a girl) vampire neighbor is believable. Other themes: white-trashiness (and poverty) in Norway, parental non-involvement, the isolation of winter, sniffing and smelling, and adolescent sexuality. I thought a lot about both homelessness during the film, since one of the boy's main complaints about her is that she smells bad, and after she feeds she wonders if she smells better. The vampire in this film is both inhuman and human, controlled by urges. Revisionist in that vampires here aren't truly evil (by choice at least), it's clear that they are what they are, and feel how they (apparently) must, and it is unclear about whether society can co-exist with them. The emotional tone of the movie is excellent, and made me think of narratives of incurable addiction. Much of the films goodness comes from how understated, unsaturated it is.
After leaving the Riverview at 2 am, amid the powdered sugar streets, I made sure to walk down the middle, so that no vampires would jump out of a tree onto me, so I guess it was effective.
With work and household demands, I've been feeling a little bled dry myself, so I hope to get a little pampering today myself.
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10:23 am
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Long weekend
I've had a lot of solitude lately. C has been sick for a week, and I'm very uninterested in sharing that illness. Our bonds of love have had enough illness their construction arlready. So it's been me, and I've had to behave even more like a single person this week. I luckily got to see Sara, and have a wonderful date at School of the Wise on Monday. Friday night, discovered that Napa Valley Grill in the Mawl has an excellent after 8 happy hour. Yesterday was a long one -- midday lunch at the St. Paul Pop!! (flash warning), which was pretty tasty. Then my companion and I (online acquaintance from local leather scene) gossiped for a while, and headed over to the Scottish Ramble (not the Scottish Rite!) for a little Scottish time.
Then over to cute boy law student's for an pro-singles anti-coupling Vday party, where we watched "Definitely Maybe", which I lost interest in. Side benefit: I was awake at 11, so I had an excuse to finally see "Let the Right One In" at the Riverview. Not a masterpiece, but pretty interesting.
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